All information contained on this Page is purely fictional so take no notice of any of it!!
"Quick Links" to the Tossers on this Page
Rozzer Crozzer
The Mighty Page
Cue Ball
Mr. N. Anderson
'Del-Boy' Avery
Evan 'Trap 1' Sullivan
Nigel 'MC' Saunders
Giant Jim, aka "The Serpent!"
Mark 'Groaner' Groen
Paul 'Smoothy' King
'Tasmanius Gwynnus!'
Karlos 'Fandango' Wood
Plaza Countdown Timer - again! James 'Guvnor' Crosby
They say that pictures taken of you make you look fat - however - the above 'mug'-shot has had the opposite effect on Mr. Crosby (either that or he has really airbrushed out all the other chins!) Mr. Crosby has an undying love for a certain Brian Clough, and he loves to recall the Glory days when Nottingham Forest won the European Cup. James was 'gutted' to discover that he was not the only person in the office to have had a Comprehensive School education. He is very proud of this fact although it hasn't prevented him from becoming the most 'right-wing' person I know, e.g. his classic comment "Most people shouldn't be allowed to vote because they're too thick to understand what they're voting for".
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'The Mighty' Dave Page
Pagey - this photo makes you look like a nerd! Dave Page hails from Derby which means:
Allegedly Dave is engaged to a gorgeuos 21 year old Nurse, but rumour has it that Dave is still single and living with his parents and that the engagement is purely fictional and down to Pageys vivid imagination. Dave has a 'wicked' haircut but Crosby and I reckon that he's got a wig permanently glued to his head since his hairstyle NEVER changes. Pagey has recently been whinging about the cost of car insurance - that'll teach him to stop driving into the back of other peoples cars then!
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Rob 'Cue Ball' Anderson
Rob used to have a full head of hair before he started working with us, as you can see from the pictures below. Rob has recently been 'done' and will now fire blanks for the rest of his life. Recently Rob has started work on the well publicised FBI project over at the Inland Revenue. This would not be a bad thing apart from the fact that Rob BLATANTLY LIED about his Java ability on the skills Database (however - judging from the code seen so far Rob is not alone on this issue). Rob rated himself as a C - which in most peoples books meant that you were an able Java developer. Rob however interpreted this as being on page 200 of a 1000 page Java book.
Rob has a fetish for driving girly pink cars with even girlier registration plates (LOV and POF). Rob also supports Man City and plays 5-a-side football badly.
Rob starts work at EDS
One month later and the strain is beginning to take its toll.
The finished article!
Thanks go to Jim Eadon for the pictures of Rob with hair!
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Neil 'Taff' Anderson
Neil Anderson : Winner of the cheesiest photo on the Contacts Page award!
Neil Anderson : he's Welsh - enough said!
Actually Neil is a top bloke but he does have his quirks such as:
Neil is currently in the process of buying a house in Wrexham (close to the football ground). He's going to decorate his bedroom first so if you know anyone who sells big mirrors then let him know.
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Derek 'Del-Boy' Avery
Derek Avery : Winner of the worst photo on the Contacts Page award!
Publication of this photograph led to Derek being investigated by several law enforcement agencies. Derek does Halloween parties and is available most weekends to frighten the victim of your choice! On good days Derek manages to find a comb and some hairgel and his appearance changes dramatically. If you see a beat up old Rover 200 tanking it towards the rear of your car then it's probably Derek behind the wheel (however Derek knows where the brake pedal is, unlike Pagey). Derek originates from Hereford so he too probably has a soft spot for fluffy white animals.
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Evan 'Trap 1' Sullivan
Evans Irish but that's no excuse. As you can see a diet of nothing but potatoes, potatoes and more potatoes has not stopped him from piling on the pounds. Evan is the little git that first compared me to Shane Ritchie. Alas such moments of Comedy Genius will be sadly missed soon since the time is fast approaching when Evan will be moving location. There is however one proviso that Evan does have if he moves and that is that the office he moves to must have a comfortable toilet seat. Allegedly, Evan gets through more toilet issue than your average Andrex puppy - I'll leave it to your imagination what he gets up to in the khazzi!
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Nigel 'MC' Saunders
Don't mess with Nige for two reasons:
Yet another 'flattering' photo of one of my colleagues. Nige is the local equivalent of Ali G and is constantly telling us all the weird and wonderful things he and his 'bitches' get up to in the evenings. You would think that to be attractive to the opposite sex would imply that you had Gentlemenly manners - however - Nige has been known to let his guard down and was recently spotted scraping his nasal passage in his car on the M54 by the 'Mighty' Page. The validity of this statement is still in doubt since Pagey also said he was getting a "Gillian Taylforth" at the time from his 'imaginary' girlfriend.
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Giant Jim Eadon
What can one say about Giant Jim other than he's a complete nutter! Don't believe me - then visit his website. However, before you go there you'll need to be:
to understand what the hell it's all about! If you can make sense of any of the stuff you see there then let me know what it's all about and then visit a Psychiatrist to get yourself checked out. Jim loves to play chess and fondly recalls the games he plays over the internet with his Grandmaster colleagues. These games always result in a complete hammering for Jim but he bounces back regardless. Jim also likes the cinema and has written a number of reviews on films which can be found here.
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Mark 'Groaner' Groen
Mark Groen (pronounced Groan) is, quite frankly, getting on a bit! Mark is also going grey - no, silver - just like I am. Mark is nuts about footy, which is surprising since he's an Albion fan, and you can visit the website of his favourite team via the link next to his mugshot!
Both Mark and I play football for the Royal Oak pub in Chapel Ash - Wolverhampton. It'll be Marks testimonial season soon so we'll be able to get a decent Centre Half when he's left - in the meantime we're content to let him still play because he makes the rest of us look good! Mark learnt to play football watching West Bromwich Albion (BOING BOING) which helps to explain his lack of talent for the game.
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Paul 'Smoothy' King
Lock up your Daughters - Kingo's on the prowl. When it comes to getting the Girls Kingo is like a Panther stalking it's prey. Dressed to kill - all in black - those poor inebriated nubile young girls never see him until it's too late - then WHAM - he's in their face on the dance floor strutting his funky stuff! The only thing that Kingo has going against him is his Gingervitis. (Click on the link to see fellow sufferers!). Paul, however, must be a good bloke because he is a Wolves Supporter. Consequently both Paul and I are looking forward to the six points we get off the Albion this season.
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Dave 'Taz' Gwynne
It's approaching that time of the morning - 09:15 - 09:30. All is peaceful in the office. All that can be heard is the gentle tapping of keys on the keyboard and the occasional fart popping out of Crosbys behind..........
Enter Tasmanius Gwynnus!
Dave pauses only briefly to place his suit jacket on a coathook, grab his notebook, and get a coffee from the machine before........
It's off to the nearest Meeting Room for Brandy and Cigars! Peace returns and normal service is resumed. After a hard days chatting about nothing in particular it's soon 17:30 (5:30p.m.) ooo-eck ......
Tasmanius Gwynnus enters the office to quickly grab his suit jacket before screaming out of the building in his beat-up old Polo. Dave is the only natural phenomenon I know of that can move Pageys hair. Respect to Tasmanius Gwynnus for that!
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Karl 'Fandango' Wood
Luckily(?) for Karl there is no picture of him on the now infamous 'Contacts Page' - still - this likeness to Bullwinkle is quite uncanny and if/when a picture of Karl is available I'll stick it on the Doppelgangers page. Enough excuses - now for the slagging!
Is it Gwynnus? NO, its Karlos in his Audi flaunting the speed limit again. If you've seen a red blur zooming past you on the dual carriageway its probably got Karlos Fandango at the wheel. Karl likes his women like his cars fast, curvacious and with good rear access. Looks aren't important - it's what's under the hood that counts. Karls off to Sacramento soon so he'll probably be burning the rubber down the interstates in a big V8 or something similar in the near future!
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Other 'Tossers'
Other Tossers will appear on this site soon! Check back regularly for updates! Future guest appearances include:
Eh! Where's me dynamite?
Say "Cheese" Mr. Scouser!
Before:
After:
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Plaza Countdown Timer!
It's here again, just to remind you how much freedom you have left before your sentence begins!!
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